Villa RockStar

PHUKET - THAILAND

Phuket is an island province in the south of Thailand - smack in the centre of the legend that is tropical South East Asia. Phuket is only about 80 km’s long x 25 kms wide. Phuket is 80% mountain ranges surrounded by big coastal beaches. There used to be non coastal beaches but that involved Noah’s Ark. Phuket’s population is almost 1 million and the local religion is mainly Buddhist. It’s a relaxed religion, helped along by very clear instructional memos from the head office such as this:

“If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change”

Buddha Siddhartha Gautama (founder of Buddhism)

How Amazing Thailand is that.

That’s how we roll ☺

Phuket’s average temperature is 27 degrees Celsius, and tourism is master of ceremonies and economies. There are a few rubber plantations, and buffalo wandering around, is nice, but this is not the place for a farm holiday. It’s all about sun, sand, sea, sea views and sea food. (if you’re a Hi-so Asian lady, we have umbrellas, sun block and air con like there’s no tomorrow).

Phuket is a playground combo meal of old style culture to very modern facilities, making it the perfect summer escape all year round. Phuket’s many offshore tropical islands such as Phi Phi, James Bond Island and the famous Phang nga Bay are within easy reach by boat. This is a wonderland you need to see live, not just this studio version. As you can see from the next photo - the area has the most amazing big rocks in the world. We gave them free professional advice to rebrand themselves The Star Rocks, so they would not try calling themselves Rock Stars. The latter would obviously force us to take legal action over the names Rock and Star. Considering the size of their rocks, we’d like to avoid any confrontations.

GO WEST

IN THE HOOD

Villa RockStar is based at Kalim, a quiet, quaint seaside town right in the centre of Phuket’s west coast, at the northern end of Patong Bay. The mountains around Kalim are dotted with luxury villas. It’s an exclusive area and unique location in Phuket. We applied to the government to change the name from Kalim to Location, Location, Location … or LLL for short. They said we must have had too much sun, and are now instead living in La La land. We were satisfied with that explanation.

The point is, Villa RockStar is a very secluded private estate overlooking Patong Bay and out to the headlands. It is 60 meters above the sea, at the base of the mountain range. At the Villa you will enjoy total privacy, while being only a few minutes from everything. That’s primo real estate according to Wikipedia and before that Encyclopaedia Britannica, and before that ancient hieroglyphics found on walls of caves in prime locations.

From RockStar it is under 5 minutes south to all the action of Patong Beach and 10 minutes north to quiet Kamala Beach, or 15 minutes to trendy Surin Beach. So you can utilize your multiple personality disorder to its maximum potential, and have the best of all worlds on your holiday. In order to save space, we challenged ourselves to clarify the complex subject of personality disorders and the human brain in just 10 words. We were totally successful. Here are the 10 words….

To be or not to be, that is the question.

PATONG BEACH

Patong Beach is Asia’s Holy Grail of holiday entertainment

There is simply nowhere else like it. It is unique and suitable for every type of human from the nut banger category to my mum. She spent 5 nights at a transsexual cabaret and 5 days in between shopping for antiques with Dave and Stevo from the cabaret. Patong has everything day and night, every day of the year, day in day out, day to day, daily ……. and other times also.

For example

The Beach – Patong Beach is 3 km long. If Variety was a category, Patong Beach would win a place in the book of records. Apart from the usual action, Patong Beach has many colourful festivals and events. Phuket Bike week, Songkran water festival, Asia Beach Volleyball Open, Gay Mardi Gra, Loy Kratong candle night, Patong December festival, Concerts in the park. Fireworks above the bay are common but not as much since a few markets burnt down.

I like the nightlife – there are over 300 venues in Patong. Beer Bars, Street bars, Cocktail bars, Salsa Bars, Go Go bars, Sports bars, Discotheques, Reggae bars, Cigar bars, Ice bars, Rock & Roll clubs, Dance clubs, Music lounges, Piano Bars, Hotel bars, Pool bars, Pool halls, …... It’s a serious case of Amazing Thailand.

Restaurants – there are over 500 restaurants in Patong. From local noodle huts to the most exclusive International places. You can eat on the beach, at the mall, a street cafe, a sports bar, a romantic hideaway, a coffee shop, a hotel, a seafood market, with live music and a show. Every nationality of restaurant is here. Yes 500 restaurants.

Shopping – Patong has Junceylon, the only major shopping mall on the west coast of Phuket. Plus about 1,000 other shops, from open air local markets to exclusive and international boutiques. Shop until you drop. Yes 1,000 shops.

Spa and Massage – over 200 Spa’s and Massage centres in Patong. You can get a massage anywhere. Under the trees in the park, at the beach, or in an exclusive private salon. A daily must for any Thailand villa holiday. 200 is an understatement.

Sport – Patong Beach has gymnasiums, tennis, squash, bowling, beach volleyball, racket ball, jet skis, Go karts, Bungy Jump, paragliding, sailing, windsurfing, scuba diving, snorkelling, fishing, water ski, or just Frisbee or football on the beach.

Here is a picture of fish to break up this section.

Golf - Phuket has great golf, and three courses are 15 minutes away at Phuket Country Club, Loch Palm and Red Mountain. Tiger Wood’s mum is from Thailand.

Cinema –the only cinema on the west coast is in Patong Beach. It’s a total flop, as no one comes here to attend the Cinema.

Muay Thai – Patong has several stadiums for Thai boxing tournaments. A big crowd pleaser – if you’ve never seen it before and don’t mind seeing people getting beaten up.

Giggle at the Wiggle - Patong Beach has the only ‘red light’ district in the world where it’s safe and fun for all the family to relax and check out the very friendly and entertaining scene. You would have to see it to understand. It’s a very soft core atmosphere. The locals have adapted by modifying the red light area to suit everyone. Bangla Road is a must see if you like to people watch and have a giggle at the wiggle.

Yes, we just told you it’s fun to take your whole family to a red light area.

Amazing Thailand, again.

DOWN THE ROAD

Kamala Beach

Kamala Beach is a long, wide stretch of golden sands, 10 minutes north of Villa RockStar. The beach is sloped gently so very popular with families with younger children. Kamala town has a pedestrian friendly environment. There are many shops, restaurants, cafes and bars which are popular day and night. Kamala still retains a quieter more relaxed ambience than Patong. As the beach is quite long at over 2km, you have a chance to spread out, especially to the slower northern end.

Surin Beach

Surin Beach is one of Phuket’s premium west coast beaches. In recent years, to add to the many local restaurants which line the land at the rear of the beach, there have been a number of chic beach clubs and upmarket beach restaurants serving lurvly food, with comfortable seating and music. Behind the beach in Surin village are more restaurants, cafes and stylish bars. There are delis and boutique shopping in several mini arcades. Surin is popular with families, the young as well as trend setters .